Earthshine
by harlequincabaret
Summary: "Earthshine: sunlight reflected by the earth that illuminates the dark part of the moon." Moira has missed Remus after losing contact with him following the events of 1981. A twist of fate brings them together over a decade later and Moira wonders if they'll ever be able to have what they once had, and if they have the potential to be more.
1. Chapter 1

"Remus?" Moira whispered under her breath, her cold fingers lightly touching her lips. Shock barely began to explain what she felt when the thin, pallid man walked past the hospital wing. A familiar pang of longing coursed through her, and she swallowed hard, looking from the students in the hospital cots into the hallway. A ghost from her past, nothing more, she assured herself.

She hadn't seen Remus in nearly a decade, maybe even longer. Every day she fought to forget him, having expected that the worst had happened and that he had either perished at the hands of wicked anti-werewolf hunters or had rid himself of his burden. She missed him. It didn't help that James and Lily had been murdered, and that Sirius had killed Peter. With Remus's disappearance she could hardly bear to remember her time at Hogwarts. No, surely it could not be him.

"Poppy?" Moira called, not daring to take her eyes off the halls in case she caught a glimpse of him again.

"Yes?" Madame Pomfrey's heels clicked behind her, moving between the beds promptly. "What Moira?"

Moira swallowed again, her throat thick and suddenly feeling like it was full of cotton balls. "May I take a short break? I'd like to go ask Severus about an ingredient I need."

Poppy pursed her lips together, measuring whether or not she needed the extra pair of hands at the moment. After a couple moments of contemplation, she nodded. "Yes, well. Sure. But don't be too long."

Moira wasted no time and dashed out the door, looking to the right where she had seen the man go. The halls were empty, but she followed where she could only assume he had gone. Moira didn't take the precious seconds to take off her hospital apron or matronly hat. _I probably look ridiculous_, she thought, but could not muster the effort to care. She peered into empty classrooms, finding no trace of him. As she turned the next corner, she saw him.

Was it Remus? She couldn't truly be sure. It had been so long…but it _seemed_ like him, scars and all. Who else would have had those scars? Or had she simply made herself see what she wanted to see? It had been such a fleeting glimpse, after all. She tried to quell the feeling of hope, but it was useless to resist.

"R…Remus?" She called out, incredibly unsure of herself and ready to be embarrassed. Her hands were balled into tight fists at her sides, physical manifestations of her anxiety. He turned around suddenly, and it was undeniably him.

"Yes?" He answered. He appraised Moira, taking in her appearance and trying to place her in his memory. When he scanned her face for traces of familiarity, his eyes settled on hers. Though he did not smile, his eyes seemed to sparkle. "Moira?" Disbelief, but pleasant disbelief.

"Oh my god." Moira shook her head, truly feeling as if she was in a dream. She had pictured what it would be like if she ever saw him again, but she never expected it to happen back at Hogwarts where they had first met. She felt frozen in place, despite having run what felt like all over the castle chasing after someone who very well might not have been him. But it was, and it was so incredibly unexpected that she didn't know how to process it.

Remus approached her slowly, looking hesitant himself. They had been the best of friends, but that sense of familiarity and effortlessness had waned over the years of absence. Moira watched him carefully, her eyes tracing the contours of his body and the folds of his robes, drinking in what her friend had become. He was handsome, of course. He always was to her. But he had aged. So had she, naturally. But his condition had taken a toll on him, and it showed in his sunken cheeks and sleep-deprived eyes. His hair was graying and tousled, his robes thin and worn.

"I must admit I wasn't expecting this." He smiled softly, his voice just as comforting and friendly as she had remembered. "How are you Moira?"

At that moment she didn't know how she was. Elated? Yes. Confused? Totally. Caught off guard? Incredibly. But she was also angry—immensely so. She had sent owl after owl looking for him, worried about him. She had no point of contact once the unthinkable had happened with the rest of the Marauders.

"Confused…" She began, choosing her words carefully as her conflicting feelings waged a war inside of her. "…And upset." Upset seemed like a more measured and mature way of saying that she was beyond pissed. She cleared her throat and her eyes darted to the floor. "But happy to see you're alive. I had worried the radio silence for the last forever indicated otherwise."

There was a measure of uncomfortable silence as her words sat between them. Remus put his hands in his robe pockets and nodded towards the stone floor.

"I suppose I do deserve to be chewed out." A couple seconds passed, and then he continued, "I got your owls."

"I wish you had not just said that." Her throat throbbed, holding back tears that were begging to flow. "What the fuck." Moira rarely cursed. Remus flinched.

"I didn't mean—"

"Oh stop." Moira laughed hollowly. The joy she had felt five minutes past had melted away, and she felt an ache for the last decade that had been devoid of any contact with her best friend, a man she had grown up with and went through hardship with—a man she had fallen in love with but had never been able to confess her feelings to. What could they have done in the last decade? What could they have been? "You could have found me if you wanted to. I was only an owl away. And you got my owls! Year after year. I must have seemed pathetic." She shook her head, a tear escaping. "I worried for so long, Remus. I know how you could be self-destructive. I wanted to help you. I knew it must have been hard for you after what happened…it was hard for me too. We could have helped each other. I tried…" She inhaled sharply. "I tried to keep us together. I figured it's what James and Lily and Peter would have wanted, for a part of the gang to at least remain in contact. I don't know what I did to make you want to leave me behind."

"Moira, that's not…you know that's not what I wanted." He closed his eyes, the dark circles beneath them prominent. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm a disaster. I bring strife to anyone in my life. I'm a walking time bomb. You didn't need that. No one does."

"But what if I wanted it? You were my best friend, Remus. I had no one for so long. _And_," she emphasized, "you're none of those things." Moira glanced up at him. She tried to soften her voice, to be less caustic. It was hard—this had brought her so much pain for so long. "You must have been lonely too."

"I was. I wanted to reach out—I did. I just didn't want to bring you down with me."

"Are you okay?"

"I've learned to deal with it better." He said, smiling softly. "It's hard. It always has been. But I've avoided other people as much as possible. I don't want any accidents."

"Remus…" She shook her head. He was exactly as she remembered. He was overly cautious, distant at times, and maybe a touch dramatic. But that was through her eyes, from the perspective of someone who only ever wanted to be as close as possible to him. Having a werewolf for a best friend had its challenges. Being quietly in love with one was even harder. "Why are you here now?" There were so many other things she wanted to say, so many things she wanted to ask him. Did he think about her the way she thought about him? Did he still think back to the times they held hands by the black lake, or the study breaks spent by the common room fire? She had to admit her mind wandered to those times quite frequently, especially when she was feeling lonely or was the only one working in the apothecary shop she tended to before landing a job with Poppy.

"Dumbledore asked me to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. It seems that they've had a bit of bad luck keeping the position filled, and he and McGonagall remembered I was particularly gifted at the subject. We'll see how I do," he shrugged in classic Remus fashion. He was always so humble.

"You were damn near genius, if I recall." Moira smirked, allowing herself to lighten up. "I think you'll be brilliant. You're a great teacher, at least when it came to teaching me wizard chess and tutoring me in Charms."

"Ahh well…you had me beat in Potions. You were gifted."

"I still am!" She feigned offense, clutching her chest. The iciness between them was dissolving as the banter wore on. She missed this. "That's why Pomfrey called me here. My knack for potion-making and herbology make a good pair when a nurse's aide is needed…I've heard we'll be under the watch of dementors this year. Dumbledore was worried we might have some issues with some of the more sensitive kids, and Pomfrey is always overworked regardless."

"You're going to do brilliantly. Has that what you've been up to all this time?"

"You wouldn't have to ask if you'd answered my owls." Moira responded, only half poking fun. "But yes. Mostly. I've been working at the apothecary in Diagon Alley for some time now. I whip up remedies for customers who aren't quite keen on do-it-yourself recipes. Salves, potions, soaks…You name it, I've made it. Plus a lot of weighing ingredients, which gets tedious."

"Well, here's to both of us trying something new this term. Now, I need to run to see Dumbledore for a bit of debriefing. I'm sure I'll be seeing you around the castle so for now…" He smiled and saluted at Moira, who only mustered half a smile in return. She wanted to feel optimistic but didn't quite allow herself.

"I'm glad to see you, Remus. Just don't go silent on me, yeah?"

"That'll be quite hard to do I imagine, in these close quarters."

"Oh, Hogwarts is a big place. I'm sure if you really wanted to, you could manage. But if you try, I _will_ harass you with a barrage of owls. Now that I know you're alive, there's no excuse."

"Quite right, too." Remus chuckled and nodded. "I'll be seeing you, Moira."

"I hope so, Moony."

Remus's eyes widened at hearing himself called that name, but the initial shock eventually wore away into a warm expression, and he turned to walk towards the Headmaster's office.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Did Severus have your ingredient?" Poppy asked while folding freshly cleaned bedding, not looking up once from the crisp crease she was perfecting.

"Oh," Moira paused, forgetting she had had an alibi. "No, actually. But he said he'll be fetching more soon." She hoped her tone didn't betray her, and she ducked out of her apron and removed her hat. "Poppy?"

"Mmm?"

"The new Defense professor…Remus Lupin?"

"What exactly are you asking, Moira?" She asked, a knowing look in her eye. She knew all about Remus, of course. He had been to see her frequently in his youth.

"I…I suppose I don't know. I just hadn't realized he would be here."

"Is there an issue?" She questioned, sounding as though her attention was now fully on Moira and the folding had become secondary. "You had courses with him."

"No! Of course not…I was just surprised." She breathed in deeply. "I just haven't seen him in ages, and you know, he never responded to _any_ owls I sent. Oh, I don't know. And now he's here! I'm sure he'll be brilliant but it all just seems so…odd." It all came out as one long sentence. She was out of breath by the time she finished, plopping on to an empty cot and raking her fingers through her hair.

"He's a good kid." Poppy said.

"Kid?" Moira laughed. "We're on the other end of our damn thirties."

"Well," Poppy clucked, "when you're as old as I am, that's still a child."

"Fair enough," Moira smirked, nodding her head. "Should be an interesting year, at that. Suppose I'll be brewing up wolfsbane as part of my job description now."

"Shhh!" Poppy aggressively swatted her hands in the air in Moira's direction. "The students are _not_ to know. Can you imagine what the papers would say? What parents would do? None of that." She looked around the hospital wing with wide eyes, scanning for any sign of students who might be awake. There were only two students in the wing as the school year had only just begun mere hours ago. "And no. Severus shall be the one to do those duties. He's quite skilled, as you know."

_And I'm not? _Moira internally rolled her eyes. If anyone cared enough about Remus to make the potion it was her, not Severus. There was a potential for bad blood there.

"Well I suppose I'm going to go finish unpacking and then head to bed. Goodnight, Poppy. I'll see you early tomorrow."

Poppy nodded, turning back to her work. She could be strict at times, and Moira still couldn't quite figure out if she really liked her.

Moira went to the room she had been assigned and popped open her trunk. Moira was someone who liked to be over-prepared, so taking only what was needed was quite a difficult task, but she liked to think she managed it with only a bit of an extension charm on her trunk…With a flick of her wand her clothes began to hang themselves in her modest closet. Shoes took their place beneath the robes, and small accessories filled a dish on her bedside table. It would be weird to be back at Hogwarts and yet not occupy the dormitories. Weird, but probably much more comfortable and spacious. She had the room to herself, only sharing the general area with Poppy. It was adjacent to the hospital wing, so she would be in close proximity should she be called upon.

Moira took a seat on the windowsill, peering out at the expansive and sprawling grounds. Her eyes were lit by the moonlight as she observed the great lake, ripples and waves bubbling on the surface—surely the giant squid was having a nice night swim. After a few minutes lost in thought, Moira changed into her night clothes and settled into bed. This would be her new refuge for the year, and in the coming weeks she intended to make it as home-like as possible.

In a sleepy haze Moira's eyes eased open, awakened by the sound of footsteps pacing in the hall outside her door. She put on a set of robes quickly and tried to peak out the tiny window in her door, but it was far too dark.

"Lumos," she whispered, her wand lighting up as her hand twisted the knob of her door. She heard a voice outside say "oh!", and she entered the hall.

"Of course." She sighed. "Remus, what are you doing?"

"I suppose I fell into old habits. The life of a prefect…patrolling the halls." He put his hands in his pockets, looking slightly embarrassed and taken aback. "I'm sorry if I woke you. I didn't expect anyone to hear me."

"I'm a light sleeper." Moira responded. "Refamiliarizing yourself with the castle?"

"Yes, I guess you could say that. There's a lot I need to refamiliarize myself with." He looked at her for a long moment, his eyes apologetic. Moira held his gaze for as long as it lasted, then cast her eyes to the stone below. "Dumbledore was optimistic about me being here, but I'm worried about…" he trailed off and shrugged. "Well, quite frankly, I'm worried about everything."

Moira nodded. This was definitely the Remus she remembered. So gifted, so bright. So absolutely capable. And yet so self-deprecating it was painful.

"I don't think you need to be. You'll be brilliant. And you're quite good with students. You were always so kind to the first years. Have some faith." Just like that she had resumed her role as Remus's cheerleader. It felt familiar, and yet she still felt rigid and out of practice.

"It's not so much the instruction part…that's certainly part of it." He opened his mouth to continue, but then shut it. He pressed his lips together, mulling over the words in his head.

"Remus…" Moira began, trying to regain his attention. His eyes looked distant, as if he were imagining something far away from where they were in the moment.

"Well." He began, snapping out of it and looking back at Moira. "I'm not quite conventional, am I?"

"Surely that needn't be an issue?" Moira posed, crossing her arms over her chest. There was a slight draft in the hallway, and her night clothes certainly did not help.

"I'll be missing some days around…well…you know." He conceded with a sigh. "And I have…well I have these." He gestured to the scars on his face. Moira could see him quickly unraveling within as more and more possibilities flooded his imagination. "What if I get more? What if someone sees me? The students cannot know and—"

Moira reached up to his face and lightly brushed her fingers across the deep and aged scars. Remus looked taken aback, but not offended. She smiled softly and closed her eyes. Something about the gesture brought her back to their teenage years, when she would whip up amateurish salves for Remus to try on the days after a full moon. Pomfrey's medicines were more effective, but he always humored her, nonetheless.

"Like I said, you'll be brilliant." She pulled away, suddenly remembering where she was and that they were not sixteen anymore. "You hid it so well for so long. I know you can do it. You're wicked smart. Besides, any kid that brings up the scars is a git anyways and probably has larger issues than mere curiosity. They'd be assholes to ask."

"I suppose you're right."

"I usually am." Moira chuckled. "Now why are you really in the halls Remus?"

His eyes widened and his mouth popped open into a tiny "o". "What do you mean, _really?_ I told you, haven't I? Old habits and all…"

"Ah. My mistake. _Old habits_." Moira nodded playfully.

"Oh alright." He shook his head. "I was hoping you might be awake. Earlier was just such a rushed reunion and…well, I have a lot to apologize about."

Moira felt her heart skip a beat. He'd been looking for her? I guess that's what she had been crossing her fingers to hear, and what she had been hoping to pry out of him. Nevertheless, it still surprised her coming from him.

"Would you like to come in?" Moira asked, gesturing back to her room. Remus peered over her shoulder, weighing the options.

"I…would." He started slowly. "But Pomfrey…"

"She is close by, yes. Probably asleep by now I'd imagine. But if there's somewhere else you'd prefer?"

"My study would be fine. Or a classroom or…"

"Let's see this study of yours. So official and…professorial." She smirked. "I'm proud of you, Remus."

"Oh?" He blushed, looking down at his feet as they began to walk away from the hospital wing. Moira couldn't see his reaction in the dark, and for that he was grateful.

"I know this must have been a big decision for you…to put yourself out there. After hiding for so long." She turned to him abruptly. "Well, that's—that's to say I—" She clicked her tongue, angry at herself for her poor word choice. "That's to say I assume you were hiding, since I hadn't heard from you. It's not a judgement, I just—"

"No need to backtrack, Moira. I _was_ hiding. I may be one of the most cowardly Gryffindors there is."

"That's not what I meant." She muttered, feeling like a wet blanket.

"I know it's not what you meant. But I mean it. I don't feel…brave for coming here. Hogwarts is comforting for me, and Dumbledore has always been kind to me. It's less about stepping out of a comfort zone than it appears." He said. "And I was not brave when I never wrote back to you. I was afraid of facing what had happened. To lose my best friends in such rapid succession…I was afraid that somehow, I'd screw up the one relationship I had going for me. Somehow me messing it up and losing you that way felt worse than losing you the way I really did."

"If it makes you feel better," she knew it probably wouldn't, and part of her felt a twinge of satisfaction knowing it would make him the slightest bit guilty, "you never lost me. I thought about you almost every day."

"I don't want you to think it was easy to ignore the letters. I wanted to meet you at the Hog's Head. I wanted to come to Christmas at your place. There were some nights that the only thing in the world I wanted was to play wizard's chess and drink butterbeers with you. But I was really not…" He paused, looking left and then right, trying to remember where his lodging was. "Ah, I believe it's this way." He pointed to the right and led the way but didn't continue speaking.

"Remus? You were really not…what?"

"Oh." He frowned, having hoped she would have let it go or forgotten he had been in the middle of a thought. "Well, I was really not in a good place at all. I was reckless and dangerous. I was self-destructive. When you're the only one left, you feel selfish and confused. I still do, honestly. But I'm…better…ish. Betterish, now." He nodded towards a door and unlocked it with the flick of his wand. "In we go. Maybe now we can have those butterbeers I've been wanting to share with you?"

Moira paused outside the door, letting his words sink in and her mind connect the dots. She supposed it had been like she had feared all along. He had self-isolated himself out of fear of his own instability. And he had punished himself for something he could not even control. She swallowed hard, trying not to let herself show what she was feeling. A day ago she would have been overjoyed to hear Remus Lupin offer her a butterbeer—and she was! But what she really wanted was to pull him into an embrace and comfort him, to take away all the pain he had felt in the last decade of his near solitude. She knew it was an impossible wish. The best she could do would be to try to be there for him now, as supportive as she ever was, and to share a butterbeer with him and catch up, reminisce…and try to understand where their friendship stood in the current moment.


	3. Chapter 3

**Earthshine Ch. 3**

Moira picked up a smooth, small stone and chucked it towards the lake. It skipped twice before bottoming out. She sighed and sat down on a log near the lake's bank, putting her chin in her palm. She'd been at Hogwarts nearly a week already and she was feeling a bit down. It was like she remembered, and yet not at all. Hogwarts had always had a special place in her memory. She came from a muggle family and had felt out of place until she got her letter when she turned eleven. During the school year she was unstoppable—she always felt like she was walking on clouds. She could be who she felt she was supposed to be. Her parents weren't exactly disapproving—they just didn't understand. How could they really? At least they accepted her.

But Hogwarts was different when one was working there. Sure, it was still magical and she found herself exploring hallways she never knew were there before. She was still learning shortcuts and secret passages, and there was nothing quite like the walls of portraits speaking to you as you walked by. But she had a job to do, and it was clear at the end of the first week that it was a more demanding job than even Poppy was used to.

Moira felt a chill envelope her, and her heart filled with dread. She cast her eyes towards to sky, trying her best not to move much or appear bothered. There they were. The reason her job was a heavier burden than it would be normally.

The dark, spectral creatures hovered high above her, sending little spindles of ice across the water's surface. She pulled her coat tighter across her body. It was a coat practical for September weather—not the weather induced by dementors. And all of this for Sirius…

She shivered, but whether or not it was from the sudden iciness in the air or from the thought of the criminal she could not determine.

_Sirius_. She thought bitterly, blowing on her hands in a sad attempt to warm them.

She stood up and turned to make her way back to the castle. A dementor lingered in the sky above her for a moment before letting her be. She hated feeling watched, especially by them. They were foul. Despite their presence at the school the subject had not come up yet with Remus. Well, at least not the reason for them being there. They had, of course, discussed the dementors more generally. It was no secret that Remus was brilliant at Defense Against the Dark Arts, and she had wished to brush up on her Patronus charm. Admittedly she had had little practice with many defense spells since leaving Hogwarts, and now seemed as good a time as any to hone in on the skill.

It seemed to come to Remus so naturally, and she had to admit to being a bit jealous about that. Sure, she had skills of her own. But his skills seemed so relevant in the moment, and it had taken a lot of courage and humility to ask him to tutor her. She felt like she was a teenager again asking him to help her practice before her O.W.L.s. She smirked at the thought. Remus was humble by nature, but she could tell as he guided her arm in the correct motion for a Patronus that he was bubbling with satisfaction at being able to show off a bit.

As she passed by Hagrid's hut she waved at the half giant. He was tending to his garden and examining large pumpkins, probably the largest she had ever seen. Hagrid was always kind to her, though they did not know each other well by any means. At any rate, it was good to have a friendly face among the dementors who stalked the grounds. He waved back, nodding jovially.

When she reached the hospital wing she started to shrug into her uniform but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw someone staring at her from across the room. He had his arms crossed and his head tilted to the side. His face bore the same expressionless (or perhaps disinterested) quality it always had.

"Severus." Moira mustered a smile and finished donning her nurse's apron once she had regained composure. "Nice to see you again."

He walked towards her, stalking like a great black vulture. A sickly Hufflepuff second year boy cowered in his bed, his blanket pulled up to his neck.

"Pomfrey came by my office earlier." He began slowly, waiting for the words to register with Moira. When she gave him a blank look he continued. "She said you had been in need of some flobberworm mucus and salamander blood, but I didn't have it for you a couple weeks ago."

"Oh." Moira blushed. Of course she should have realized that her lie would have come back to bite her. "I—"

"Wait." Severus shook his head. "Let's continue this where there aren't any eavesdropping students…" He turned back to the Hufflepuff and cast him a dark look. The boy looked away quickly. Moira and Severus stepped outside the hospital wing and into the hall.

"Look—I'm sorry I haven't stopped by to say hello Sev—"

"I didn't tell her you hadn't come by." Severus said. "I played along. You should have everything you need for your brew now."

"Thank you, Severus." She sighed in relief. "I've been needing to refresh our store of wiggenweld potion."

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Severus asked in his deadpan monotone voice. Moira swallowed hard. Clearly this wasn't a simple chit chat session.

"I haven't _exactly_ been avoiding you…I just…well. There's been rumors, Severus."

"Rumors?" He arched an eyebrow.

"I'm sure you know. About you and…and You-Know-Who." She sighed. "You were a Death Eater. I trust Dumbledore to make informed decisions and all, but I didn't really know how to confront that myself. I didn't know what I'd say to you, I guess."

He didn't look one bit surprised. In fact, this looked as though it was the answer he was expecting and had prepared himself to hear.

"Well you are saying all you need to now. Dumbledore does not hire people lightly, and seeing as I've been here for quite some time now, I question why you doubted me."

"We were decent friends, Severus. You and I were brilliant Potions partners. But after what happened with Sirius," Severus grimaced and scowled, "I never know what to think."

"That _lowlife_." He growled, finally breaking past his stony expression.

"Yes, I'm not particularly fond of him myself." Moira said. "These dementors give me the chills. I can barely stand the sight of them."

"I suppose that's why you're here, then. Another pair of hands for the hospital wing?"

"Yes, mainly. I've also wanted to get a bit of hands-on training under my belt. I've been doing odd jobs here and there. Working for apothecaries, researching with other potioneers…I've been trying to diversify my skillset." She nodded. "Hogwarts gives me a chance to try my hand at more focused healing and specific medicines, along with a different range of clients."

"Have you not really figured out what you want to do?" Severus asked. She couldn't tell if he was being unkind or not.

"I have to admit that after what happened a few decades ago my progress was a bit…stagnate. I mainly worked retail selling ingredients. Surprised I didn't see you much, actually. I was wickedly depressed. I honestly couldn't find the motivation to pursue something more intensive. I know it sounds pathetic. After some time, I think I've decided I'd like to work more on development of new potions and cures, and perfecting and advancing ones we have now."

"Sounds rewarding."

"I hope so." Moira smiled softly. "Hey!" She exclaimed. "That reminds me! Poppy said that you're going to be making a certain potion for a certain someone this year. How did you get that job, eh? I'd be more than willing to take that responsibility off of your hands. I'm quite skilled with that potion. I worked with Damocles Belby and his crew for a bit when I was heavy into research and lab work."

Snape looked down at the ground awkwardly. It was not often he broke his cold demeanor.

"Hm. Well, how to put this…Poppy thinks you may be too _close_ to the situation. And I may have supported her decision to not make that part of your duties."

"_What_ does that mean?" Moira asked sharply.

"Poppy approached me before term began and asked me to help with this. I said that maybe her new assistant could do it, but then I found out it was you. And we both agreed you may not be the best fit, seeing as you have a relationship with Lupin."

"A relationship?"

"In whatever capacity it is."

"To be frank, I'm not quite sure myself. He hadn't spoken to me in ages."

"Regardless, Moira," Severus drawled, "It's probably best that you not have this responsibility distracting you from your more important work with the students."

"As I recall, Severus, you and Lupin did not have the best relationship yourselves. Why should you be the one to maintain such an important thing for him when you could not care less about him?"

"Sure, he was not my favorite classmate. But at least he was not as insufferable as the others." His lip curled in disgust just thinking about James and Sirius. "Credentials or not, Poppy _and_ Dumbledore ultimately tasked me with this."

"Don't let it slip through the cracks Severus." Moira said darkly. "I know you dislike Lupin. But if we still have any kind of rapport with each other, you won't do that to him, for my sake at the very least."

"Trust me, it brings me little joy to take on an additional task, especially for someone I don't have warm feelings towards. But I also wish to keep my position, and to maintain my relationship with my fellow colleagues and Dumbledore."

"Well good then. Now that that is settled. Perhaps you and I could have tea soon. I'd like to discuss some of the developments I've learned about over the past few years as far as ingredients are concerned, and I think you may be the only person who would appreciate it."

"If I didn't know better, I would have pegged you to be an insufferable, pretentious Ravenclaw."

"I thought you'd like to talk potions with someone!" Moira's mouth popped open into a surprised and offended 'o'. "You and I always liked to talk about it."

"I'm only poking fun." Severus smirked. "Tea would be nice. Perhaps when the year has settled in more."

"Sure." Moira nodded. Her new post had been a lot to get used to, and she could do with a couple more weeks to get the ropes down before she got too comfortable.

"I expect I'll see you at meals now that you're not avoiding me anymore."

"Yes." Moira blushed, embarrassed that as a grown woman she had been avoiding someone she had once called a friend.

Moira practically bounced her way through the halls of Hogwarts, a small smile on her face. Her wiggenweld potion had turned out beautifully (though for such a beginner potion, that was to be expected at her skill level) and it had worked wonders for a few ailing students. Her first two weeks at Hogwarts had been filled with rewarding successes, but also anxiousness and wariness in the presence of the dementors and all the talk about Sirius Black.

All day she had been looking forward to surprising Remus with some candy she had fetched from Hogsmeade the night before—chocolate frogs. They were their favorite to share during study sessions or at quidditch matches. She had imagined his face lighting up as they opened the box to see which wizard or witch they had collected, just like when they were teenagers.

She gripped the Honeydukes bag in her hand, the rolled-down paper crinkling in her grip. With her other hand she knocked on Remus's study door, rolling back and forth on her heels as she waited.

But he didn't answer. She paused for a moment and glanced at the watch on her wrist. Surely, he should have been settled in for the evening by now.

She sighed, feeling deflated. The chocolate frogs suddenly felt like heavy weights in her hand. She waited a few minutes and knocked again, thinking perhaps he was napping after a long day of lecture. No answer. She glanced down at the candy bag and shrugged, placing the bag outside his door and abandoning the mission. She was not feeling up to eating all that chocolate on her own, and her stomach had turned in disappointment. The childlike excitement that she had felt on her way to his study was gone, and she walked through the halls defeated.

It was a Friday evening, and most of the students were either out on the grounds or getting up to shenanigans in the common rooms. The halls themselves were quite empty, and Moira realized just how lonely she was feeling. She'd spent most of her time with Poppy so far, aside from the few hours here and there with Remus practicing her patronus. Poppy wasn't exactly the most delightful company. Moira had been heading back to the hospital wing when she took a sudden sharp left. She tucked her hair behind her ears and walked with determination. She would not spend another Friday evening alone and sad in her quarters.

She knocked briskly, trying to pep herself up. The door creaked open.

"If you'll have me, I'd like that tea now." She said assertively, knowing that was the best way to conduct herself around Severus.

He didn't say a word, but opened the door to let her in.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It had been days since she had seen Remus, and she was beginning to worry. She had snuck back to his office the next day and noticed that the frogs had moved, but he was nowhere to be found.

Moira paced in front of a large window. It was dark, nearing ten o'clock, and she was alit in the glow of a full moon. She had lost track of time in the business of the first couple weeks of the school year, but sure enough, September 15th had come, and it was time for another full moon.

Moira bit her thumbnail and looked out at the grounds. She knew he must be at the Shrieking Shack, as it had come to be called, but she wondered why he had been so absent the last few days. She wondered if maybe he had taken the frogs with him as a pick-me-up after his inevitable transformation.

She shuddered. Poor Remus. She wished he would have let her know, so she wouldn't have felt so panicked when it went on the third day without seeing him. When she had looked outside, she knew instantly what was happening. It's not like she had never went through this with him before—it had just been so long since those days. Sirius, James, and Peter had always taken care of him, and mostly she stayed on the sidelines with her amateurish salves looking to help when she could.

She heard footsteps approaching and she stopped pacing. She straightened up and looked out the window, trying to act as natural as she could muster as her brain was going a mile a minute.

"He'll be fine." Severus drawled. "I gave him the wolfsbane potion the other day. He's prepared."

"Thanks," Moira nodded, looking over her shoulder at Snape. "I never _really_ doubted you."

"You should head to bed."

"I don't think I'd be able to rest." Moira said exasperated.

"Regardless, you're torturing yourself by standing out here." He rolled is eyes and crossed his arms. "I'll walk you back."

"I don't really need an escort, but thanks."

"Oh please. I know you don't _need_ one." He bit. "But I just thought you might not want to be alone just yet."

Moira looked out the window for a last glance and then walked side by side with Severus back to her room.

Moira barely slept a wink. She spent most of the night debating if the sounds she was hearing were werewolf howls or simply her imagination playing tricks on her. She tossed and turned and thought of the very worst scenarios. By two in the morning she was perched by her window, looking out at the grounds and the forest as if she expected to see him ambling towards the castle.

On their way through the halls, Severus had told Moira that he had been covering for Remus in class. Moira assumed these lectures were quite dull. Severus wasn't exactly effusive or entertaining, and he was much more suited to teach Potions than Defense Against the Dark Arts. She supposed it was a lot of reading from the textbook and monotonous lectures. From eavesdropping on students, it sounded like Remus was taking a much more hands-on approach, which she felt was not only more practical, but also more engaging.

She wondered how long Remus could get away with missing multiple days of class before some bright student would figure out something was off. She hoped for his sake that no one did. Maybe they'd just think that he was sickly.

All of these thoughts kept her awake. She tried to tidy up her room to keep her occupied, but there was only so much she could do to keep her hands and mind busy. She poured through journals and the latest edition of the Daily Prophet. It wasn't until 5 AM that her body and mind gave up and she gave in to sleep.

A day had gone by since the full moon, and Remus still was nowhere to be seen. Severus, having needed to fill in for Remus for multiple classes, requested that Moira serve as his replacement in his Potions lectures. She was more than willing to try her hand at teaching. The classes weren't exactly unsuccessful, but they weren't a knockout hit either. After a couple of class sections, she determined she was not cut out to be a professor. Still, she assumed she had been a notch above Snape, and considered that good enough for her.

She had hoped that taking on the extra responsibility of leading lectures would distract her from Remus's absence, but it was to no avail. She found herself looking over her shoulder constantly, hoping to find him. She felt borderline obsessive over it. She wondered if it was even healthy for her to be so worried for someone who may have just simply been avoiding her.

Dinner time came, and Moira took a rare trip into the Great Hall. Normally she would eat after the students, when there was less of a crowd. Tonight she hoped he'd be there.

She sat next to Hagrid and Professor Flitwick, nodding at the Charms instructor.

"Hello, professor." She smiled. He beamed back.

"Miss Liston! Nice to see you again. I'd heard rumbles about you being here, but seeing as you rarely come to dinner…"

"Ah, yes. Sorry professor. I've been…occupied."

"Call me Filius. We're colleagues now, after all."

She smiled warmly and turned to her plate. She tried to surreptitiously scan the dining table, but Severus caught her eye. He shook his head nearly imperceptibly. She felt her heart sink. The food that appeared on her plate, despite its magnificent quality and the inviting aromas, was instantly unappealing. She tried to power through a few bites to avoid suspicions from Flitwick or Hagrid. When she stood up to leave prematurely, she found she was followed out of the Great Hall.

"Miss Liston." It was always so much more intimidating to hear her last name in that Scottish accent.

"Professor McGonagall." Moira turned around to face the elder witch, who was wearing her signature emerald robes.

"You finally decide to grace us with your presence at supper and you have to leave so soon?"

Moira felt frozen in place. As much as she admired McGonagall, she would never be able to shake the fear of disappointing her that she had always felt as a young witch.

"I'm, I'm sorry professor." She looked at her feet. "I'm not feeling well."

"Now, it may be many years after I was your head of house, but I know when you're not telling the truth." McGonagall tutted.

"You always were pretty great with that, no matter how hard any of us tried." Moira laughed weakly. "I'm just worried about Remus. I haven't seen him in days, and he wasn't at dinner tonight either."

McGonagall's gaze was piercing, searching. "Surely you recall Lupin's…struggles?"

"Of course, professor. I do. But it's been days."

"Sometimes we heal at our own pace, Miss Liston. I expect Lupin will surface when he feels ready to."

"Okay." Moira nodded, but not really accepting that internally. "If it's alright, I don't think I'll be returning to dinner."

"You're an adult now. I can't stop you. But you'll do well not to worry. You're _both_ adults now. He can take care of himself."

Moira nodded and walked away from the Great Hall.

After toiling in the hospital wing for most of the morning, Moira decided to head out on the grounds for a quick lunch break. It had been a day since McGonagall had confronted her, and she could swear that all the faculty and staff were eyeing her like she was a madwoman. She was sure she was making it all up in her head, but even Flitwick had seemed concerned at breakfast.

She ran to the Great Hall and threw an apple, some bread, and some cheese into her lunch sack. She tucked it into her bag and headed out. It was a brisk day, and it would only get chillier as October approached. She was looking forward to a nice fall and winter season at Hogwarts, especially during the holidays when things would slow down and she could catch her breath.

The night before, her owl Genevieve dropped off the latest copy of _Potion-making Past and Present_-her favorite journal. Years ago she had had an article of her own published, and she was quite proud of that. She read the newest editions religiously to keep up with the craft, even at times she wasn't as invested directly. She planned to enjoy the cooler weather with the journal in-hand, a welcome reprieve from the hospital wing.

Moira exited the castle under the clock tower, passing students lazing about in the courtyard. Oh to be their age again, experiencing this all for the first time…though she was glad her school years had not included dementors. She left the courtyard and took to the bridge. She honestly always felt a little uneasy on the bridge. It was wooden and old, and it looked like it has been through it. She also wasn't super fond of heights, and it was a ways down from there. She tried not to think about it, but it was hard not to.

"Oh," she exclaimed, stopping in her tracks at the sight of Remus and Harry Potter. It seemed she was not the only one who was taking refuge outside and was using the bridge. She took a couple moments to assess the situation before turning on her heels and walking back towards the clock tower.

"No, wait. Mr. Potter and I were just finishing up." Remus cast a withering look at Harry. In a soft voice he asked, "is it okay if we pick back up on this later?"

Harry nodded and said his goodbye, walking past Moira with a polite nod in her direction.

"Remus, really, I can go…"

"Hi, Moira." He strained a smile. His lips curled, taut in an unnatural way that made her stomach turn even more than it already was.

"Hi," she replied breathlessly. "You're okay."

"Yes," he nodded, glancing at the wooden floor as if her were embarrassed. "How have you been?"

"Frankly, Remus, worried out of my bloody mind. Annoying Poppy and Severus for days, additionally. I feel pathetic and stupid. And above all, exhausted. I'm tired from staying up worrying about you. I'm glad you're okay but…god!" She scoffed. Her stomach felt like it was on fire. Her heart was filled with so many emotions. She was _relieved_ but angry. "If you didn't want to see me, an owl letting me know you were alive would have sufficed."

"You've been hanging out with Severus?" He asked in a surprised and disapproving tone.

Moira stared at him in fierce disbelief. Her hands clenched into fists in her jacket pockets. She felt her toes curl. Every ounce of her was on edge.

"_That's_ what you latch on to?!"

"Well, the stories about his are quite grim. I suppose he's been okay since I've been here."

"You can't deflect off of this situation, Remus. But since you asked—yes. Clearly I can't put all my friendship eggs into one basket." She rolled her eyes. Even she knew that was a lame way to put what she was feeling. "We may not have been the best of friends before, and we aren't now, but we have common interests and I think that's healthy. He's been good company in your…absence." She hesitated on that last word, because absence didn't seem quite right. Sure, he had been gone for good reason for a couple days but judging from his apparent easy in talking to Potter, he wasn't straight from the Shrieking Shack either. "So, Remus?"

"Ah, well…yes…"

"What's happening?" Her voice softened, and she felt her eyebrows furrowing. She was angry as all get out, of course. But that didn't change that she cared for him.

"I was hoping to put some distance between us. At least around this time of the month. I thought it might spare you unneeded stress and keep you out of danger. It appears I may have miscalculated on the stress bit…"

"Distance?" She murmured, feeling confused and hurt. "Remus that's bollocks."

"We're not sixteen anymore, Moira." His tone was harsher than she was expecting. She could tell he was tired and worn down. "Sirius and James aren't here to rush to my aid and I'm not reckless. I'm an adult now, we both are. I know how to protect others from me better now, and I've been doing a good job of it. Those years away meant you were safe," he breathed. "And now you're here, and I knew you'd try to get closer than you should. You know better than to try and meddle in this like you used to."

"I-I liked helping." She said softly. "My salves and lotions, a-and—"

"Ha!" Remus laughed bitterly. "That never really helped, Moira. I just didn't want to tell you. What could I do once you found out? I was shocked enough that you didn't run off and never talk to me again."

"You're being unkind." Moira said flatly. "You should rest. It was the first full moon here at Hogwarts and I'm sure that was diff—"

"Stop. _This_ is what I wanted to avoid. You shouldn't have to be involved in this! It's not your burden to bear. I'm the only one that needs to be involved. Don't worry about me." His voice cracked, a softer and more pained expression taking over. He no longer seemed sarcastic and acerbic but worn down and repentant.

"Remus…not this again." Moira took her hand out of her pocket and wiped away a small tear. "It's not something that bothers me. Please understand that. I've known about this for almost as long as I've known you. If it bothered me, I wouldn't be here standing with you still, and I wouldn't have spent the last few nights horrified that my best friend was in trouble. Your condition…it's not something that will keep me from you. You can try, I guess. And you have. But if you think _that's_ what is going to push me away, it's not."

"I'm sorry." He shook his head. "I _was_ unkind. You did the best a teenager could do when a friend is in trouble. You were always very helpful and supportive."

"It's okay." Moira said, moving closer to him. "It's okay.

"And I'm sorry about all of this. I'm sorry you're friends with a someone like me. No one should have to put up with that."

"Remus, stop. You can't apologize for something you can't control. You can't control that! And don't be sorry that I'm so goddamn persistent and want to be your friend so badly. What you _can _control and _can_ apologize for is not seeing me and ghosting on me. That was unfair." She leaned on the railing of the bridge, still nervous at the height of the structure, but suddenly feeling vulnerable and not wanting to look at Remus directly. He mirrored her and propped his elbows on the railing. They sat in silence for a minute or two, she wasn't sure how long exactly. It felt like forever.

"I am sorry for that. My intentions were noble, I assure you. But I guess staying away wasn't what was best for you."

"No." Moira sighed. "It wasn't. Remus, this is going to sound ridiculous but…being here together feels serendipitous. We don't talk to each other for ages, and yet here we are. Same place, same time. I don't think we should take that for granted. That's why I brought over those chocolate frogs the other day—I wanted to take advantage of the serendipity of the situation. Remus and Moira, back at Hogwarts again. Together. We're not kids; you're right. We're adults who have a chance at an amazing friendship again. We can pick back up where we left off."

"I had figured the frogs were from you. They came in hand quite nicely the last few days."

"I remembered how much you like them, and I know they help you a lot when you need it, too…" Moira smiled softly. "I had wanted to play some games or something, but evidently you were indisposed."

"Yes, not one of my most enjoyable evenings." His hand went to the back of his neck. Moira's eyes followed his movement, and she saw a deep gash, bright pinkish-red and swollen.

"I can help you with that, if you'd like. _For real_ this time. Big girl salves and potions and the like."

"Oh, um. Poppy has me on something already but thank you. Next time I—well, next time we'll see."

"Of course she has. Well good. It'll be looking better soon then." She desperately wanted to reach over and grab his hand, but there was still a lingering tension between them, so she resisted. "You know Remus, when you ghost on me like this…I think the worst things." His eyebrows raised and he looked over at her, his lips pressed tightly together. She hesitated to continue. "These things happen. The wounds, the scars that come after…I worry that one day you won't come back to me. And when you don't let me in…my imagination gets the best of me. Please," her voice hitched, and she felt her face grow pink and warm in embarrassment, "please promise me you won't push me away."

"Okay, Moira." He agreed.

Another couple minutes passed. The promise sat between them heavily as they both looked out at the grounds of Hogwarts. Her fingers were itching to close the gap between them, but she felt that the conversation was winding to an end.

"So, Potter, eh?" Moira said finally, breaking the silence and clearing her throat. "How is it teaching him? Are you holding up alright?"

"I'm fine, thanks. It's certainly surreal. He reminds me so much of both of them, in different ways. I think you'd like him Moira. Perhaps one day I can formally introduce you."

"Sure. What were you doing here with him?"  
"Well," he began, "he's more sensitive than others to the dementors. I've been mentoring him a bit on that." He said gently. Moira loved how Remus seemingly never judged anyone for what others might perceive as cowardice or weakness. He was a kind soul—which was why his remarks earlier had felt so unnatural and caustic. This was the Remus she knew.

"That's very generous of you, to help him like that."

"It's the least I can do. Lily and James would have wanted me to."

"I suppose you're right. Plus, they're just downright disturbing. I hate them, Remus. I really do."

"Good ol' Sirius, yeah?" Remus mused. "All of this for him."

"Mmm." Moira nodded. "Well, um, this has been a little longer than I had promised Poppy. Guess I'll be sneaking bites of my lunch between students," she laughed.

"Oh! I'm sorry to have held you up."

"No, no. I'm glad I saw you. Even if I need to stop for a quick bite or two, I'll be much more productive now. I'm relieved you're okay."

Remus nodded and put his hands in his pockets. "Have a good day, Moira. Perhaps soon we can do the game night you had wanted."

"Sounds brilliant," she smiled, then made her way back to the hospital wing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

September came and went. The leaves on the trees that covered the sprawling castle grounds were turning orange and red; it was one of Moira's favorite sights to behold. The air was becoming crisp—the kind of crisp you could smell. She reveled in the satisfying crunch of leaves beneath her boots and the nip of chilling air on her nose. The pumpkin juice tasted all the better this time of the year, and it brightened every morning. The crows

Yet something was missing.

Remus.

For a couple weeks after his last transformation they had been quite close. They saw each other for an extended period of time at least every other day, and they shared most meals in the Great Hall. She had felt on top of the world for the couple weeks. It felt like she had her best friend back, and she felt her heart swelling with a happiness she hadn't felt in a long time before this school year had started. But as the next full moon approached, yet again he became like a specter.

She tried to distract herself with work and taking on extra tasks around the hospital wing. As the weather cooled the students had come down with a number of normal ailments—colds, the flu…mundane, but important to nip in the bud. She spent her down hours reading outside or making small talk with whoever would entertain her. Anything to keep her mind off the fact that Remus was seemingly avoiding her once again.

His promise replayed over and over in the back of her mind. He had promised not to do this again, and yet here they were.

Moira poured the extra time she found herself with into perfecting potions and medicines that she had thought up herself. She spent time tweaking well-trusted recipes to see what she could create, and the process was rewarding. Amidst curing boring cases of the sniffles she was pushing herself to better her skills, even if it was in the privacy of her room as Poppy slept not too far away. Poppy was rather set in her ways, and though very precise and expert, she did not approve of Moira getting creative (Moira preferred the word progressive) with her healing and potion-making.

Severus, however, did approve. She consulted him often, even at odd hours of the night. On nights when neither of them could find sleep they kept each other company. He steered clear of any talk of Remus, and for that she was grateful. Although she was bursting at the seems to ask him if he had seen or talked to him, she knew Severus would not appreciate it and was desperate enough as is for any semblance of friendship she could find. And any time he _did_ mention him, it was always with a tone of distaste. She didn't need any more reasons to feel resentment towards Remus.

She kept herself focused on the coming weeks. Even if he was repeating his song and dance from last month, the full moon would come eventually, and he would most likely end up in the hospital wing. Not that she was wishing any ill will his way, but if history told her anything, it was that Remus usually came by regardless of the severity of his wounds. At best, he took a quick swig of a reviving potion to start feeling peppier and more himself. At worst, he was getting stitched back up and made whole again.

Measuring out medicines into individual cups, Moira's mind wandered to what she had heard the night prior. She picked up two small cups and brought them to the ailing students in the hospital wing, both suffering from mild fevers and a bad bout of sore throats. It was basic stuff compared to the after effects of spells gone wrong or an exploding cauldron, but she was seeing more and more students who were unfortunately falling prey to seasonal sickness.

The night before she had been toiling away in her room, tweaking a potion she had been working on when she was under the direction of Belby. Her experiments were extremely preliminary, and she hadn't worked much on her own twists when she had been in the wizard's lab. She tried to be as quiet as possible so as to not wake Poppy, but evidently that was unnecessary. Poppy was awake, and she was not alone.

_"Remus, come. Sit. I'll get some bandages." Her voice was frenzied, and her shoes made loud staccatos on the stone floor._

_ "I'm alright, Poppy. Thank you." His voice was weak, ragged even. Worse than Moira had heard before, at least in a very long time._

_ "Drink." Poppy demanded, shoving a cup towards him. Remus accepted it graciously and fished a small chocolate bar out of his pocket._

_ "Thank you." He said again, nibbling a corner of chocolate off and washing it down with Poppy's concoction. He swallowed hard, grimacing. Even with the chocolate it didn't taste good._

_ "Let me get Moira. Looks like I might need two sets of hands for this tonight."_

_ "No!" Remus said forcefully, mustering up the strength he had left. "No. If it takes longer that's okay. Really, I'm in no rush."_

_ "Well," Poppy bristled, "I'm sure she'd be happy to help, sleepy or otherwise." She looked at him incredulously._

_ "Please, Poppy. No."_

Moira had weighed her options in her head. Either she could have bust out the door and call him out, or she could stay in her room and keep quiet. If she did the impulsive option, Poppy would no doubt find out she had been meddling with experiments and using some of her stores of ingredients to boot.

But what the hell was wrong with Remus, besides the obvious of course? Did he not think she could handle mending him? She was offended at his insistence that she not tend to his wounds. She thought they were over this.

For the rest of the night she sat and stewed. Her potion sat untouched and instead she moped around her room, at times pacing and at other times just staring blankly at a wall. She was confused and hurt, and suddenly wondering what she was doing here anyways. If her heart really was in researching and testing out new techniques, and now Remus wouldn't talk to her even in his most desperate hours, why was she there?

The week came and went, and before she could even catch up Halloween was upon them. Students were gorging themselves on all sorts of Honeyduke's goodies and the castle was decorated exquisitely. To be fair, it didn't take too much effort to make Hogwarts look fit for Halloween, but the added pumpkins and cobwebs gave it a spooky charm.

Moira fussed over the supply cabinet while Poppy tidied beds. The hospital wing was relatively empty, with only one student asleep on a bed. The pair of them took the opportunity to clean up and to catch up on laundry. It was a boring workday, but Moira welcomed the tedium. It gave her time to think, though with the Remus incident on her mind she wasn't very productive.

Moira and Poppy separated for a break. Moira went to the kitchens to grab a quick snack and to avoid the students who were getting up to sugar-induced shenanigans in the Great Hall. With an apple in hand she wandered outside into one of the castle's many courtyards. It was one of her favorites, a quieter section of the castle away from the hustle and bustle of class changes and general traffic. The bite of her apple was loud and disruptive in this calm space. Soft light radiated from lit lanterns hung about the courtyard, and the sound of crows cawing in the distance only added to the eerie ambience.

She spent longer than she probably should have sitting outside. It was just so peaceful, and she lingered in the opportunity to let her mind wander. She watched the grass of the grounds sway in the gentle autumn breeze and reveled in the chill it gave her skin. Her meal was long past eaten, but she just couldn't bring herself to leave and return to her post. Before she knew it, it was far too late for it to be proper for her to be out and about, especially on night like Halloween, so she returned to the hospital wing. Admittedly, she took her time strolling through the halls, taking the less-traveled halls and taking the opportunity to look at the art she normally ignored. Her break had certainly turned into a mini vacation and though she felt a little guilty, she knew there wasn't much going on in the hospital wing that demanded her attention.

She pushed open the door, expecting Poppy to have either tucked away to bed or to be doing some tedious task. Instead, she was confronted with a very angry and very frantic nurse.

"Ms. Liston!" Moira cringed at the sound of her last name. They had been on a first name basis for months now.

"Poppy, I'm sorry. Time slipped by and—"

"Enough of that. It's fine. We have bigger issues than an indulgent break."

"What's wrong?" Moira asked, looking around the hospital wing for a sign of a problem. There weren't any additional students, just the one from earlier. She hadn't the faintest idea what could concern them so dearly this late at night with one student who was fast asleep.

Poppy glanced over her shoulder at the student and then motioned for Moira to move to a more secluded corner of the room.

"Sirius Black." Poppy huffed in a whisper. "He tried to break into the Gryffindor Common Room!" Her face was pink with a mixture of fury and fear.

"Black? Here? Well, why?" But before Poppy could even answer her it clicked in her mind. "Potter." She thought back to the conversation she had interrupted between Remus and Harry.

"We need your assistance, Moira." Poppy nodded. "The Gryffindor students are going to be sleeping in the Great Hall tonight as the Common Room and their tower are searched. Dumbledore asked for some help. I'm going to stay here for the most part in case there are any students who are in shock or whatnot. But you're being summoned for watching over the Hall."

"Of course." Moira straightened up and nodded, trying to pep herself up mentally. She had been ready for a nice cup of tea and sleep, but it didn't seem she'd be getting that any time soon. "They want me there now?"

"Yes. And hurry. I expect the students will be quite a handful. Oh the questions they must have…Poor dears."  
Moira ran to her room and changed before heading out of the Hospital Wing. She didn't head towards the Hall however. Instead she darted to Remus's study, hoping he'd be there.

She was nearly there when she saw him barreling her way. He was a whoosh of old grey robes and tousled brown hair, and she couldn't stop herself in time. They nearly collided, and she would have fallen straight to the ground if she hadn't grabbed his hand at just the right time. She instinctually laced her fingers in his and righted herself, though she didn't let go of his hand once she did.

"Sirius." She breathed, and he nodded. "Remus what do we do?"

"We do what Dumbledore wants us to do: protect the students. And Harry. There's nothing else we can do. We were friends, yes. But there's nothing we can do other than that."

Moira looked down at their intertwined hands and her heart pounded. She remembered all at once how long it had been since they had been this close at all. She lifted her eyes to his face, noticing all sorts of new nicks and bruises around his neck. His under eyes were darkened, and there was a new scar running through his eyebrow. She assumed it had looked much worse a few days ago before Poppy had gotten to him.

"I'm sorry Moira. I am." He said softly, squeezing her hand gently. "I know what I've done and I know we'll need to talk about it. But right now…isn't the time."

She nodded and looked at the floor. It was so much to handle.

"So what are you up to? What's your job?"

"I'm going to do a quick sweep of Gryffindor Tower and then help with the students." Remus answered.

"Great. I suppose I'll see you with the students soon then."

Remus nodded and went to pull away, but he hesitated. He looked down at their hands and a small, almost imperceptible smile formed on his face. He pulled her towards him and hugged her. "It will be okay. We'll be okay." Then he unlocked his fingers from hers and searched his pockets, checking for his wand. "Right. I'll see you shortly."

Moira watched him disappear towards the Gryffindor Common Room and then made her way to the Great Hall, where Snape and Dumbledore were waiting for her.

The first half of the patrol had her captive to Snape's theories about how Sirius had managed to break in. Severus, normally more generous towards Moira, was slightly suspicious not only of her but also of Remus. _Two _of Sirius's old school friends working at Hogwarts looked suspicious to him. She tried not to take it to heart too seriously, because surely he was projecting his feelings towards Remus onto her. She continually denied it with little strength or conviction, as she was just so exhausted from a day that didn't seem to want to end. She found her energy and stamina renewed when Remus came to relieve Severus. There was an icy exchange between the two, but once Severus had retired to his stud she fell into an easy rhythm with Remus.

For a while they just caught up on what the last few weeks had held for themselves. They skirted around the issue of Remus's absence for hours. Despite the circumstances she felt relieved to feel some sense of normalcy with Remus—they were laughing together and poking fun at Severus. It felt like a mutually enjoyable exchange. But in a moment of silence between them she stole glances over at him, and noticed a particularly nasty looking scratch on his hand that was propped on a windowsill. She was reminded of the night he had refused her help.

"Remus?"

"Mmm?" He responded, smiling in her direction. He was still in pleasant spirits from a joke she had told him a few minutes before.

"The other night…after…you know what." She looked around the room to see if anyone was stirring before continuing. "I heard you talking to Poppy. You refused to see me. You actually refused my help."

He straightened up, running a hand through his hair. His demeanor changed entirely—from laid back to high-strung and stressed out.

"I…I did."

"Do you not think I'm capable? I know last month you said you thought I was naïve to think I could have helped you all those years ago…but do you really think I'm that unskilled that I couldn't help you now?"

"Oh, Moira." He shook his head. "I'd never think that."

"Then why?" Her voice cracked. She had been having such a good time, and she had been suppressing this question for so long.

"I was not well that night."

"I mean, you rarely are after…_that_."

"Yes, well. It was particularly bad. And I thought you were already in bed. You didn't need to deal with that. I assumed Poppy offered to get you because she knows that you're a comfort to me. She knows we're friends. I know she could handle it on her own, and I had hoped you were getting rest. Getting on without me. Without my problems burdening you."

Moira rolled her eyes. This again.

"Remus, you know how I feel about this. I appreciate you thinking of me and my sleep cycle, really. But out of context, _god_. It hurt. You hadn't talked to me properly in weeks. And then to hear you didn't want me to help—didn't want to see me."

He swallowed hard. "I know. And I know I made a promise. But sometimes I think it was a promise I can't keep."

"It's really quite easy, you know? You let me see you. We have more conversations like tonight. This has been amazing, don't you think? It has for me. I've missed this. I always miss this, even when it's only been a few hours." She laughed, not as angry as she was but more exasperated. "Hold out your hand."

"What?" He looked at her, shoving his hand into his robe pockets.

"Come on." She reached for his arm and he rolled his eyes, submitting. She pulled a tiny vial out of her pocket and dabbed a bit of the liquid onto her fingers before massaging it onto the scratch that had prompted the whole conversation. He looked down at her working away, and his mouth fell open into a small "o" as his skin seemed to heal before his eyes. Sure, there were other medicines that worked similarly, but none helped as cosmetically as this one, and not nearly as fast.

"W-what is this?"

"It's what _I've_ been working on the last few weeks my friend has been ignoring me." She smirked. "It doesn't work miracles, and to be honest it has a lot of limitations. Has to be newer, fresher wounds. And it won't remove it entirely. Learned that the hard way." She lifted up her pant leg and rolled down her socks and revealed marks of her own. "But…I just thought it might help. Doesn't work with bruises—just scrapes, scars, the like. But it should help a bit with the pain and itchiness of healing. It's a little stronger than what Poppy uses, I imagine. But it's also very experimental." She cast her eyes downward, not wanting to look at him. She was slightly embarrassed to be showing off like this, and embarrassed to have outted herself as tinkering with something so obviously made for him.

"Thank you." He said softly, running his fingers over the spot she had applied the ointment to.

"No need to thank me. You're my friend—it's my job to take care of you. Here, this one's for you." She put the vial in his palm.

It took a few minutes for the conversation to return to its lighter tone, but they got there eventually. They spent the better part of the night reminiscing about the craziest things that had happened in their time at Hogwarts, though they couldn't recall anything quite as scandalous as a convicted mass murderer escaping a high security wizard prison and infiltrating the castle. It was clear they both cared for Sirius, in some messed up way. They would always have their memories that seemed to contradict everything about Sirius's criminal behavior. Having that link made it all the more easy for them to get back into the swing of a normal conversation, and they kept it steady as they patrolled the rows and rows of dozing Gryffindors.

The following day Moira was in much brighter spirits than she had been in the weeks past, humming softly as she worked and giving students extra lollies when they took their medicine well. Poppy eyed her suspiciously every time she gave two sweets instead of the standard one. She felt renewed knowing that Remus was simply embarrassed and concerned that she'd get too worried rather than the narrative she had built in her head. The circumstances that forced them together hadn't be ideal, of course. Moira was still shaken at the thought that Sirius had broken into Hogwarts and had managed to make it to the Gryffindor Common Room. Knowing that Sirius had seemingly changed himself so suddenly into a murderous monster frightened her. She thought she knew him…they all did.

Still, she couldn't help but smile as she toiled away. Thinking of her time with her friend made her happy.

"Moira." Poppy said her name flatly. There wasn't a question or a request on the other end. Though it lacked tone it sounded almost like a reprimand. Moira stiffed slightly as she remained bent over the sheets she was folding.

"Yes?"

"You're quite chipper considering the circumstances. Last night was very serious, and it remains so."

Moira blinked and straightened up, turning to look at Poppy. She felt her cheeks and chest flush, suddenly warm and a tad nauseous.

"I'm…sorry?"

"You're in love." Poppy rolled her eyes as she said it. It was a statement, not an inquiry. Flat and unfeeling.

"Excuse me, what?" Moira set down the folded sheet in her hands and crossed her arms.

"You heard me." Poppy flicked her wand in the direction of the student laying in bed, blocking him from their conversation. "You're in love with Lupin. And I suggest you not dig yourself in any deeper if you can help it."

Moira stared at her blankly, processing. Her mouth fell open in disbelief before laughing hollowly.

"If I was, I don't see why it would be any of your business—particularly as my supervisor and employer. But as it so happens, I am not. Either way it is highly inappropriate of you to suggest that."

"Being in love already sets you up for heartbreak." Poppy continued, almost as if she hadn't heard Moira. "Heartache distracts people from their goals—their purpose. You're gifted. _And_ you're here to learn and practice. I understand you're friends with Lupin. I remember you bringing him sweets to his hospital bed damn near every month. Being friends with him is dangerous enough." Moira glanced at Poppy and they locked eyes. Poppy had a deadly serious look on her face. "But being in love with a werewolf is so much more so. It's reckless."

Moira didn't have the words to respond. She put a hand over her mouth and tried to breathe evenly in and out of her nose to keep calm. She felt uncomfortable, unbearably so. Poppy was not only her supervisor but also something of a friend.

"There's no use denying it. It couldn't be any plainer if you tried. The way you look at him…how much happier you are now. But remember, those moments can be fleeting."

Moira threw off her hospital robes and pushed past Poppy.

"I'm taking my break."

She burst through the hospital wing doors and took to the halls in a brisk walk. She wanted to be as far away from there as possible. She fought back tears, her chest and stomach clenching from the agony of restraining her emotions. She almost didn't know exactly where she was going, just that her feet were taking her there. Her eyes were clouded with welled up tears and everything around her was a blur. When she felt she had put enough distance between herself and the hospital wing she stopped and leaned against the wall, sniffling in between large gulps of air.

"Er…hello?"

She looked up, horrified. Remus and Severus stood above her, concern written all over both of their faces, but Severus hid it better than Remus.

"Hi." Moira swallowed hard and tried to will the tears away. She didn't need people seeing her this way.

"Is everything okay?" Remus asked. He kept his voice low and scanned the hall for straggling students.

"Um, well…Poppy—"

"Poppy has been in a mood today." Severus finished, turning to Remus.

"You haven't been…sacked have you?" Remus asked, his eyes darting from Severus to Moira.

"No, no. Not like that. It's just been…rough today." She looked directly at Severus, and he nodded, perfectly imperceptive.

"Poppy confessed to me that she didn't think Moira had the proper abilities to brew some of the more demanding and challenging potions she's been needing. Particularly the wolf's bane potion," He looked pointedly at Remus. "Along with a few others. I know Moira has been pushy about trying to make that one herself instead of myself…however, Poppy has been resistant."

"Yes." Moira nodded. "She's been quite critical."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. That must be difficult." Remus looked warmly at her and held out his hand, offering to help her right herself. She took the help.

"I need to return to my office to attend to some meetings with students. Best of luck, Moira." Severus gestured goodbye and took off, leaving her alone with Remus.

He pulled her into a hug, and it was more comforting than she could have imagined. It was just what she needed in the moment. She breathed in deeply, noticing the faint yet distinct scent he had about him. She couldn't pinpoint it—it was pleasant and inviting. It was just _Remus_. It made her want to smile, but the reality of the situation reminded her why he was hugging her in the first place.

"So Poppy is being unkind?" He pulled away from her so he could look her in the eyes. She nodded and bit her lip. She was a rotten liar, but it wasn't as if that had been untrue. "I'm here for you if you need to talk."

"I'd rather not…get into specifics. Severus was close. There's just been a lot going on."

"Even if you can't tell me what she said or did, you can come to me. Hopefully she'll ease up."

"Thank you," Moira said, wiping her tears away. "So, uh, how are you doing? You know, because of the whole Sirius situation?"

"I'm okay. It's a lot to process. Just when you've started to reconcile and accept the past…old ghosts come back to haunt." He smiled wearily. "Truth be told I don't know how to feel. I still can't believe any of it, all these years later." He pushed his hair back, raking his hands through it. He looked stressed. "And yet, last night had its good moments. I enjoyed our talk."

"Me too. I missed you." Moira beamed, feeling pounds lighter than when she had stormed out of the hospital wing.

"It was good company, despite the less-than-ideal circumstances. Oh!" His eyes lit up, remembering something he had been thinking about earlier. "Your potion. That was…impressive. To say the least! Poppy should be ashamed of how she's treating you when you have that level of skill."

"Thank you." She blushed. "It's not too difficult."

"I have to ask though…you really made it for me?'

"Yes," she responded slowly.

"That's…very kind of you. I'm a tad embarrassed, I must admit."

"Oh, why?"

"Because I feel like you're looking out for me and spending your spare time doing so. Don't get me wrong—it's is so impressive and I am grateful. Just…embarrassed I need it is all. And embarrassed you think so as well."

"Remus, it's what I'm good at. Living near Poppy is quite dull, I assure you. I needed something to occupy me. Besides, I had been _hoping_ it would give me an excuse to approach you again, after your radio silence."

"Ah, right. Well, I wanted to make it up to you for that. Would you like to get some tea and a quick bite to eat this weekend in Hogsmeade? Perhaps Madame Pudifoots?"

Her heart soared and she hoped she didn't look too eager.

"Please! That would be great."

"Right then. Perfect. We can talk about a time later. I'm looking forward to it."

He patted her shoulder before walking away, leaving Moira feeling giddy. She remembered how she had felt when he hugged her—secure and safe, enveloped in the scent of him that had calmed her. The electric charge she felt when he took her hand. She felt lighter around him, more herself.

She worried Poppy was right.


	6. Chapter 6

Moira tugged at her skirt in front of her mirror. What did one wear to dinner when they weren't quite sure what the intention was? Well…technically she knew _why_ he had asked her to dinner. He was apologizing of course, and also thanking her for the medicine. Still, she had hemmed and hawed ever since he had asked over what to wear. Admittedly, her wardrobe was quite limited. When she had taken the job at Hogwarts she had had to pare down most of her belongings, as it didn't quite make sense to keep renting a loft when she wouldn't be staying there. She'd really only taken the bare essentials when it came to clothing and had limited choice.

She wanted to look casual but pulled together. Obviously she didn't want to dramatically upstage Remus. On the other hand, she didn't want to be underwhelming either. What if he had intended it more as a date? How utterly embarrassing would it be to show up in casual clothing…

But of course, she reminded herself, it was _not_ a date. They were two friends getting dinner. She sighed.

In the end she settled for a black skirt and a dressy-casual blouse. It was airy and light, a deep maroon color. Perfectly appropriate for a night out with friends but would also be acceptable for casual office wear. She did her makeup lightly, more than a normal day working alongside Poppy. She faked a smile in the mirror, trying to get a full picture of how she'd look when she'd first see Remus.

Moira had not had to think about these things in a while. Sure, she had dated. But it was never like this, at least not since she had divorced her ex-husband. They had had a lengthy courtship with what seemed like endless dates and then a very brief marriage. After they split she didn't really put herself out there again. It had been at least three years since she had any serious prospects. She had mostly dedicated herself to her work and research. She wasn't regretful about that one bit, either. After years of putting herself second in favor of stroking a man's ego she was over it. But Remus seemed different. He always had been. He was always kind and quiet. Almost too humble at times. It was a welcome change to be around him again.

She walked through the castle halls and felt her stomach flutter. She tried to push away the feeling. Why was she nervous now? He was her friend. They'd eaten countless meals together over the years. This was no different.

She knocked on his office door. It took what felt like forever for Remus to answer the door. When he did he look caught off guard and flustered.

"Moira! Right." His face paled and he looked embarrassed. "I must admit I lost track of time. You look lovely and I'm….well, I'm a mess." He sighed.

"Everything alright?" Moira moved past the compliment he had paid her, trying not to linger too long on the thought that he liked her outfit.

"Yes. I had just set the students a rather lengthy essay and was trying to finish them. Generally I like to have them do more hands-on assignments, but being able to explain yourself in written form is important also, from time to time." He smiled gently. "I'm afraid I didn't take a moment to collect myself and make myself presentable."

"You look fine Remus. Perfectly acceptable for someone who is working as hard as you are." Truthfully, he looked exhausted. His worn out robes didn't do him any favors in that regard, but she didn't care about that at all. She knew Remus was living a scant life. Hogwarts was the best offer he could have gotten. With his condition work must have been difficult to come by, and what little money he had would probably have gone to absolute necessities. His robes were decent enough, but nothing flashy.

He turned towards his stack of papers and his brow furrowed. "Let me just organize myself a bit…" With a flick of his wand the scattered papers formed a neat pile. The graded and marked essays flew gently from the desk to his bookcase, while the ungraded ones remained. "I'm embarrassed to say, but in the midst of all of this I've forgotten to really eat anything substantial today. Do you think you'd mind if we changed venues? Madame Puddifoots might not cut it for me."

"Of course I don't mind!" Moira smiled, relieved. "I'm actually pretty hungry myself. It'll be perfect."

"Great," Remus said, grabbing his coat from a hanger and shrugging into it. "Off we go then?"

Walking to Hogsmeade with Remus recalled such strong nostalgia for Moira. The crunch of leaves underfoot and the sound of his voice brought her back to when she was just a teenager. She hadn't spent every Hogsmeade trip with him, as he often got into shenanigans with the other Marauders, but the times she did were memories she held dear. They always loved popping into Honeydukes for sweets and hitting up the shops for needed school supplies. It was a good change of pace from the castle, which while it was amazing could become tiresome under the weight of mounting schoolwork.

They relived a bit of the magic before dinner, visiting Honeydukes to replenish their respective sweet hoards. Remus grabbed his trusty chocolate that he swore had healing properties while Moira tried the newest treats. With goodies in their bags they headed towards one of Remus's favorite spots for a bite to eat.

The host smiled when he saw Remus, and then his eyebrows shot upward in surprise when he saw Moira. "Not alone this time eh Remus?" He chuckled.

"Come now, Elias. Be kind. I _am_ one of your best customers." Remus gestured to the ghost town of a restaurant. "This is my friend and colleague Moira."

"Hello." Moira waved and smiled tepidly. She didn't really like Elias already.

"Remus comes in here with stacks of students' work at least weekly. Always alone. Try to get him to flirt and get cozy with a few of my waitresses but no…nose in a book or piece of parchment always. Dunno why he keeps comin' back if it isn't for the ladies." Elias shook his head. "Speaking of…Holly!" Elias barked.

Moira turned to look at Remus, who was looking resolutely at the floor.

"It might not be too late to find somewhere else?" Moira whispered. But then Holly arrived and led them to their table.

"Usual Remus?" She asked, and Remus nodded. She went to leave when Remus cleared his throat.

"Holly! My friend Moira. I'm not alone this evening."

"Oh!" She shook her head. "I'm so sorry. Not used to seeing Remus with someone. What'll you have?"

Moira stared with wide eyes at the menu, not believing that any of this was happening. She knew she wasn't eye catching or the most memorable, but she at least expected to be noticed in some capacity. "I'll be needing a moment, thank you." Holly nodded and walked away to fetch a carafe of water. As soon as she was out of earshot Remus sighed heavily.

"The food's pretty affordable here so when I need a minute away from the castle…"

"No need to explain yourself, Remus. Clearly the staff is quite nice to look at." She teased, glancing at Holly who was certainly a pretty young woman.

"Oh please." Remus tutted. "Elias is a troublemaker. I _do_ come here to read and go over assignments, though. Sometimes my office is just too quiet."

"Well if you ever need a distraction, I'd be happy to join." Moira offered, closing her menu as Holly approached.

"Ready?"

"Yes, thanks. I'll take the cottage pie, please." Holly scribbled that down and walked away. Remus wrinkled his nose. "Not a good choice I take it?"

"Certainly not their best, and not Hogwarts' quality."

"Not much is," she smirked.

"So I know this is a dinner to make everything up to you…but we should catch up. It's…been a while."

Moira felt her blood slow and her skin grow cold. She had hoped they'd have a nice dinner, distracted from all the inner turmoil she felt about being so close to Remus again. But she supposed it was bound to come up at some point. She just would never be ready for it.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I guess the last decade," he laughed weakly. "That sounds so stupid. But I feel like we have this gap between us and maybe we'd be better off filling it in."

Moira nodded. She knew he was right, but the last thing she wanted to talk about was what had happened in the last ten or so years.

"Okay…Where to begin?" She breathed out and sat forward in her chair, crossing her arms and leaning on the table. "I've been all over the place, Remus. I don't know if you got _all_ my letters. But Missy…Missy died. And I had no one to talk to about it. At first I didn't _want_ to talk to anyone. But I needed someone. And when the someone you confide in normally just stops being there…it was hard." Remus looked surprised, but Moira really didn't know why he was. What had he been expecting to hear, really? Maybe he hadn't gotten her owls telling him that her little sister had died. Or maybe he had hoped that wouldn't have been part of what she'd bring up.

"I'm so sorry about Missy. And I'm sorry I wasn't there. You needed me and I wasn't there. I wasn't a good friend." He looked down at the table. She felt slightly guilty for bringing it up in such a manner, but she also had never been able to get this off of her chest. "How…how did it happen? You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"I haven't gotten to talk about it much at all." She whispered. "Her being a squib and all…God." Moira wiped her eyes, hoping none of the servers or the few other guests could see her crying. "I didn't get much time with Missy. You guys were like my family at school, but when I went home for holiday it was so great. Missy was my best friend. I hated that I abandoned her for Hogwarts each term, even though I loved it here. Missy just never felt like she belonged anywhere and I tried to make it easier for her when I was able to be around." Moira grabbed a napkin, toying with it as she continued. "Missy died in a car accident. Such an ordinary thing but…so terrible. Her friend stole her mom's car even though she didn't have her license yet. You can figure out the rest."

Remus reached across the table and put his hand on hers. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks. Sometimes I just feel like I was too disconnected from them. After school. I went on trying to advance in career after career…learn skill after skill…But I didn't visit often. Maybe if I had, I could have driven them wherever they were going."

"You can't do that."

"I know, Remus. But…it's how my brain works I guess."

"What about your parents? How were they?"

Moira stared at him. He really hadn't heard?

"Really Remus? This too?"

"I'm…I'm sorry. I must have been pretty successful in secluding myself…"

"I thought everyone knew." She shrugged. "My father…he killed himself shortly after Missy was buried. Mum is okay. She's living with her sister now in France, so we don't see each other very often. We try to write each other to check in. It's been quite tough."

"My god." Remus said. "I don't even know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything. I'm just glad you know now." She took a sip of water and sighed. "It's been an unpleasant decade. Not too much to smile about, I'm afraid. The best thing I had going for me was work and research, ha." She laughed breathily, on the verge of tears again but pushing them back. "Of course. Between my family and my ex-husband it's been a hell of a ride."

"Husband?" Remus asked, his tone inquisitive but on edge. His eyes were wide, but he tried to play it casual by drinking his water and laying his napkin on his lap.

"Well…yes. After Missy I spent some time away from England. I went with my mom to France and met Arnaud. This is going to sound absolutely ridiculous, but he's in the band Putrid Puffskeins?" Her heart beat fast. The band name sounded even more cringey than ever before as she had to explain her last relationship to Remus.  
"No, sorry. I…don't keep up much with wizarding pop culture."

"They were never big time or anything." Moira followed up quickly. "But big enough to tour a bit. Arnaud went to Beauxbatons. At first he seemed charming. He was aloof and talented, handsome. I'm not quite sure how we even clicked at first—I'm a nerdy shy girl, generally. Especially back then. He was a rock star. Anyway. I put my interests and goals aside for him for a long time. I followed him around. We got married in the heat of the moment on one tour after dating for quite some time. I did love him. I did. I'm not sure he ever loved me like I loved him." She sighed. Holly came by and delivered the food, smiling at Remus and ignoring her once more. "So that's it. He was really self-absorbed and it only became more apparent over time. He didn't want me to have a life or be a whole, individual person. I grew exceedingly tired of that, as I think most people would." She toyed with her cottage pie with the fork. "Touring is a miserable life. I felt like I was losing brain cells the longer I was away from my cauldron and textbooks. I still can't smell whiskey without thinking of Arnaud." She rolled her eyes. "So that about sums it up. After Arnaud I got my shit together again. I pursued potion-making and worked under Belby on the Wolfsbane potion and some other projects."

"You've had quite a life so far. Arnaud sounds like an exciting chapter, despite his flaws."

Moira thought about how to answer him. She took a bite and chewed, reveling in the few seconds it gave her to think. She decided to be bold, something she rarely found herself to be.

"I would trade it all the excitement away to have had you in my life." She swirled her fork in the mashed potatoes while her sentiment sunk in. "Arnaud _was_ exciting sometimes. I've seen a lot of the world. But knowing what I know now and knowing how empty I felt…I feel like you would have talked some sense into me."

"You had a lot going on. Making mistakes or poor decisions is understandable. But the Wolfsbane potion…an interesting choice."

"Is it really that shocking?" She asked, cocking her head to the side. "Remus, I thought of you daily. You felt like a ghost to me. But I still cared. Wolfsbane was still a little cutting edge, still being developed and perfected. I hoped that even if I had the slightest influence in it becoming more effective, I'd be helping you."

Remus looked at her with his soft and kind eyes. He smiled, a strained and uncomfortable expression. "Thank you."

"No need." She waved him off. "It just made sense. And it was interesting of course. Anyway. Enough of me."

"Um, well." Remus shifted. "I'm not all that exciting, really. I hid, most of the time. I tried to find jobs for a good long while. As you can imagine I was…unsuccessful. I couldn't maintain anything. I was too sickly too often. My father helped for quite some time, but it didn't feel right to drag him into this. I went off on my own and lived in secret for a while, scrounging around. I tried to hide what I am for a very very long time. Most of the people who knew about me and accepted me were either gone or dead. Well," Remus swallowed hard, "except you. And I _do_ regret never reaching out. I think knowing what I know now, we could have helped each other heal."

Moira bit her lip. She'd wanted to talk to him about these things for so long. She'd longed for having heart-to-heart conversations for years. She knew they _could_ have healed each other, or at least gotten close. They'd had that effect on each other before.

"I'm sorry Remus. I know I get stuck on the fact that you didn't contact me in return but…you must have been lonely and grieving."

"Yes. Very much so. It still doesn't excuse my inaction."

Moira looked over at him, finally making deliberate eye contact. He met her gaze and his lips twitched upward. She felt her cheeks growing warm and her heart fluttered just a bit. It was an awkward conversation, but one that needed to happen if they ever wanted to move on. He grabbed her hand in his again and he gave it a comforting squeeze. Moira squeezed back, a smirk forming at the corner of her lips.

"Shall we finish our dinner and then run back to the castle? We might make it back in time to grab dessert…nothing here to write home about, I'm afraid."

Moira nodded, "Sounds perfect to me."

They finished their meal, a lighter conversation ebbing and flowing between them. Moira felt just a little less burdened having discussed all of the past that had been weighing on her. She felt optimistic about their friendship moving forward knowing everything was out in the open. She knew she was in love with him. It was a feeling she hadn't had in so long. She'd tried to deny it, but it was no use. She felt more at peace now that Remus knew everything there was to know, and he could decide if he wanted her, broken pieces and all. And if he didn't, that was okay. But if he did? Well…Moira didn't want to get her hopes up. She didn't let herself be _that_ optimistic too often. But _if_ he _did_…she'd be nothing short of thrilled.


End file.
